Dreams

I have this dream to one day be a real teacher with a real classroom, real students, real textbooks, real activities - the works! However, it's been a pretty frustrating year. I looked and nothing happened really. I had a couple of interviews, but nothing that led anywhere. It's disheartening but I know I have to keep moving on, taking it one day at a time.

I have dreams.
But I don't know if they're going to come true.
I want them to.
I'm working towards it.
I'm praying it will come.
In time.

It's so hard to wait and hope and pray that your hard work trying to find a job will pay off. Some blame the economy and, partly, rightfully so. But teachers will always be in demand so why has it been so difficult to find a job?

Overqualified
Underqualified
No money

Story of my difficulties... I'm not the only wanna-be teacher out there having a difficult time. It feels like it sometimes, though.

I won't give up hope that the right school is waiting for me :-)

Until then, I have this goal to make a list of schools to send information to. Schools from around the country.

I'm not afraid to move

Once I get all of my schools together, contact principals, finish writing documents, etc., I'll be sending out en masse applications and resumes. My name will go across the country and maybe someone will need me somewhere. Alaska? Hawaii? New York? Florida? Utah? Indiana? Who knows!

I'll go wherever I'm needed.

But I have to wait....and that is so hard.

In the meantime, I'm still subbing and thankfully able to pay my ridiculous student loans.

They're still bankrupting me. But until I financially CANNOT pay them, I'll just have to make do with that until I can find another option, or they'll listen to me when I tell them I really can't afford it...

Oh well.
Life goes on.

A teaching job awaits!

And I'm so looking forward that day :-)

Never Take Life for Granted

This school year has been shrouded in sadness.

Sorry that I start another blog post with a depressing thought, but I stand for truth.

I found out yesterday that someone I walked the halls with in high school was killed in a car accident on her way back to college. It's no better than finding out that a student who is currently walking the halls died over the weekend like we found out earlier this year. Death is hard.

Liz was spunky and always happy. She was born into a wonderful family who had a heart for everyone and I never knew anyone who didn't like her. Every time I saw her she had a smile on her face. Unfortunately, I never learned more about her because I graduated high school, then she left for college. But what I do know about her will always be good. God has a new beautiful angel watching over all of us right now.

Please pray for the oncoming truck driver who hit her. Sadly, he must live with this for the rest of his life, even though he had no where else to go.

Rest in Peace, Liz. I hope to see you again one day, smiling and welcoming people in at the gate.

Where Credit is Due

For many schools across the country, tonight was graduation. The night a high school student began stepping out in the real world.

My little brother graduated tonight. I can hardly believe it's already been 18 years - that he's going off to college in the fall and that he's starting his own life. I feel like I've missed out on so much because I went to college during some of the most pivotal years in his life. I left when he was just a munchkin and now he's all grown up. Hard to believe the only time I cried tonight was when the salutatorian gave his speech (I'm such a sap...), but alas, it is finished. 16 years of school, a lot of hard work, money, tears, joys, and memories are represented with one piece of paper. They turn their rings, move their tassels, have their 10 seconds of fame and it's all over. Just like that.

And I sit there and wonder the sorts of memories each graduate has made. The relationships that have peaked and waned. The fact that tonight is the last night they will ever see each other all together for the rest of their lives.

I remember when I graduated the speaker said, "You don't know what's going to happen to each of you in the next 10 years. More than likely, most of you will never speak to each other again (that was before Facebook). Classmates might pass away. Most of you will move cross country, or across the world. Look around you. Tonight is the last night you will ever see everyone in your class again. There are no guarantees everyone will make it for the 10 year reunion for many reasons. But whatever life may bring, good or bad, you will always belong to THIS class. That relationship will never change."

Funny, I don't remember who spoke at my graduation but I remember the message. Every time another graduation rolls around I think of those words and of how they relate to every class that crosses the stage. That time is precious.

Ah well. It's over for another year. There are at least 98 new alumni and alumnae in this city who are ready to tackle the world.

It's yours for the taking, graduates! May you do many wonderful things in the years to come.

Congratulations, Class of 2010!

***********************************************************************************************

On another note:

I went to the hospital on Friday to see J and get an update on her condition.

I am happy to announce that she is doing better! I didn't get to talk to her, unfortunately, because by the time I got to see her, she was so hopped up on meds that she was asleep. I don't blame her, though. Sleep is good for the soul. And for getting over injuries.

I talked to her mother to see if she could shed any light on the situation at hand and where things might progress from there. While I don't have any definitive information (because there really isn't any), they do expect her to make a hopeful full recovery. Her mother told me that her injuries were to the front part of her head where her personality is stored, so she's not sure if J will be the same when she wakes up or not. Or when she wakes up - as in time relative to date. As in, will J wake up in 2010 or in 2006? sort of thing.

I've been praying hard for her and so have many other people so I guess it's good that I stalk Facebook because I have another tid-bit of news.

A friend of J's (I will call her Gena since there are so many "she's" in this post. Sorry!) wrote that she went to visit J and that J remembered Gena and talked to her! That can only mean that (a) The respirator has been removed [yippee skippee!] and (b) J's memory hasn't been affected very much, if at all.

I cannot tell you how encouraging it was to read that! I do pray that J will make a swift recovery and will be back on her feet in no time. I am planning on going to the hospital again to visit her sometime soon and will update again when I get more information. We don't know how much longer J will be in the hospital (it had already been 10 days last Friday), but hopefully a speedy recovery = going home soon.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying! Keep it up so J can go home soon and get back to a normal life.

Have a blessed week, everyone!

Aimee

It's hard to fathom...

So, I'm pretty much an emotional wreck right now.

Why?

I'll tell you.

You know about Facebook, right? Good. Well, I get most of my important information about my friends from this social networking site because I stalk it like nothing else (hehe!). About a week ago, I noticed that I had been asked to join a group in my little notifications section on my home page. Curious, I clicked on it with the usual intention of ignoring the group and going about my merry way in life. When I clicked on the group, my entire world froze - I literally stopped breathing for a minute and sat in shock. I couldn't believe my eyes. No way, this couldn't possibly be happening!

I won't divulge the title of the group I was asked to join in order to protect the privacy of those involved, but I will tell you the group was asking for prayers for someone I knew. Someone I taught. At a school I fell in love with. My all girl's school.

I did a little poking around on the page to find out what happened and this is what I came up with:

Slipping in and out of consciousness (I can't type that without crying). She has swelling in her brain and is in the ICU.

I won't go into how it happened because it really doesn't matter. She made a silly decision and now she has to pay a horrible price for it.

But I'm not here to bash her. Goodness knows she doesn't need that. I'm here asking for prayers for her. Chances are you who are reading this have no idea who this is and probably never will. But we're used to praying for people we really don't know, right? Please. I'm imploring you. She needs all of the God-send we can give.

The last update I had said this:

She was doing better yesterday but things got really bad last night. The swelling spiked and she's back on the paralytic in the coma and has a 101.5 fever

I also got some information that she might have to relearn some of her behavior because that's the part of her brain that has been damaged. I'm not a doctor, so I have no idea what part of the brain that is. The only thing I know is that this is serious and that I, her teachers, her classmates, her friends, and her family want her to get better. She was one of the students that I connected with the most while I taught there. She was bubbly and energetic and quite a character. I loved having her in class as much as everyone else. I know they want to see her again.

If I get any more updates, I'll be sure to post them. Until then, let's just keep this here. Don't spread anything - it leads to rumors and those usually aren't true.

If I get her hospital information, I'm going to try to visit her. In the meantime, please keep J in your prayers.

God bless you all!

Aimee

Exciting News!

Just thought you should know that I have my very first teaching interview tomorrow. Yay!! It's at a school I absolutely love and have wanted to work at for some time. Please pray that I do well!

I will let you know if anything comes of it. It's a pretty prestigious position and school so anything could happen.

Wish me luck!

The End of the Road...Almost

Well, it's snuck up on all of us but the end of the school year is almost upon us. I can't believe how fast it has gone by!! In just about 2 weeks, the seniors (of which my little brother is one) will graduate and go their respective ways to college or jobs or who knows what else. They can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm not sure all of the teachers are ready to see them go. I know I'm not, but time must go on and they all must grow up at some point.

Hard to believe that exactly a year ago, I was student teaching. That seems like ages ago, but also like yesterday. A year has gone by so fast! I have definitely learned a great deal since then, probably more than I realize. I know that my decision to stay at home and substitute was the best one because it (a) helped me grow as a teacher in different circumstances and environments and learn how to cope and adjust at a moment's notice, (b) helped me get ideas about how to make my future classroom friendly, educational, and interesting without being overly distracting, (c) helped me see what sort of environments I DON'T want to be a part of and those I DO. I really feel like I have grown more substituting than I did student teaching in some aspects. During student teaching, I learned how to manage my time around planning and a social life as well as form lessons to reach a variety of learning styles. During substituting, I have managed some classroom management skills (most of which require the class to EARN privileges) that I really have a concept of while student teaching. I have also learned while subbing that HOW a teacher runs his or her classroom while they are there speaks a lot about how they will act in their teacher's absence. If the teacher is too lax, the substitute cannot gain sufficient control in their absence. On the other hand, teachers who have excellent control of their classroom tend to have better behaved classes in their absence. Of course, it depends on the age group and maturity level of the students. And boy have I had some doozies this year :-) I choose to look at all challenging classrooms as an opportunity to enhance my management skills. If something doesn't work for one class, I try something different with the next one. If it works, I keep doing it. I can only get better in management - and, again, it's different for every age group. I love the challenge some days - others I just wish they would get over themselves and behave. I knew going into subbing that students would not respect me as much as their teacher, so I braced myself early on for misbehavior. It's actually helped quite a bit as I expect some things to happen and am not too torn up about it if I have to get on to a student for their behavior. Again, it's a learning experience every day.

As much as I wanted a classroom of my very own this past year, I look back and realize I wasn't ready for one. I had to mature a little in the education arena before tackling my own classes. Whether or not I have matured enough is another story, but I have definitely grown and feel more confident about taking on my own group of students - wherever I get a job.

Let me just pause and say:
Thank you to the schools who have given me an opportunity to grow and train myself more in the education arena. It has helped more than I could have possibly imagined. Thank you for all of the feedback you have given me throughout the year. Thank you for still calling on me when things go wrong on occasion (and I'm referring to the last post...). Thank you to the teachers who have trusted me with their kids - some for more than a day. I have grown to love each grade in their own ways. And finally, thank you to the students who have had to put up with me all year! Thank you for your patience when I seemed lost and confused. Thank you for the laughs and the smiles. Thank you for being flexible with a stranger in front of you. I love each and every one of you and I have loved getting to know some of you.

Moving on :-)

I have absolutely loved subbing because of the lessons I have learned throughout the year. In some ways, I'll miss the unpredictability of it all and the chance to have different students every day. But honestly, I feel like I am ready to finally tackle the classroom on my own, bring out all of those awkward quirks of my teaching style, and get students excited and interested in what I love. I will never forget what I have learned this past year.

Thank you all for helping to prepare me for the road ahead. It has been such a blessing.

In Him,
Aimee

I love roller coasters, but...

Whew! Well, I'm back to subbing for my regular private schools now that I'm finished with my long term position at the all girl's school. I figured that it was about time I updated on my teaching career and a couple of things I've learned since December. But first, a little background story. Ready?

Personally, this past week, specifically the past couple of days, have been an emotional roller coaster for me as well as those around me. Here's the skinny:

This past weekend was Easter. The school I sub for on a very regular basis (my alma mater) had a 4 day weekend - Good Friday and "Better Monday" off - and everyone was looking forward to the respite from school. I was asked to sub for an English teacher this week because she had to have surgery that weekend and would not be returning until the following Monday. I accepted, of course, and went on with my weekend. I got to school Monday and had one class. It was a fantastic start to a day and I was looking forward to it getting better. One of the principals came into my room right before the end of 1st period and handed me a letter that I needed to read. It was from the secondary principal and it was about a grave issue. I read the letter in disbelief - one of the 9th grade students, a young man whose locker was not 10 feet from the room I was in, had died the previous evening from a gunshot wound and we had to tell the students. I read and reread the letter several times before it started to sink in. I personally did not know the young man, but I knew that most of the students I would have later in the day knew him and it was a horrible shock. The instructions were to read them to our second period classes, but I didn't have a second period, which was probably good considering I was the last person I felt the students should hear that sort of news from - a substitute. I walked the halls during that time a bit and found out who the young man's second period teacher was, and she was right down the hall from me. As I passed her door, I listened to her give the news to the students that their classmate would no longer be here - there would be a permanent empty seat for him from that day on. The look of shock and disbelief on the faces I saw was heartbreaking. The teacher, I could tell, was on the verge of tears but kept her cool and was so very brave for her students. I can't imagine the pain she must have felt standing there telling her students that their classmate was dead. That definitely is something I know no teacher ever wants to have to do, but it was a good learning experience for us all.

The one thing this event did make me stop and think about was how I would react if it had been one of my students - one that I saw every day (having a regular classroom of course), one that I called on by name to answer questions, one whose name I saw every day as I graded papers or updated by books or even checked the seating chart. How would I feel knowing that I now had to erase his name from everything - like he never existed. The tears welled up in my eyes just thinking about that, and about the pain I know his teachers must have been feeling. I know it's very possible that something like that could happen while I am a teacher and while I hope it never does, I do know that it brings home to everyone just how precious life really is and how short it can become. It was a good reminder for everyone that we can't live forever and we are never guaranteed to live to a ripe old age.

Rest in Peace, dear one. You will surely be missed.



But that was only part of the day, part of the week.

The other half of my day I would rather not talk about - personal reasons, ya know? But I will say that it had to do with my younger brother making some very BAD decisions on his part so we had to have a family intervention that night, which started at school. Happily, though, things have worked themselves out it seems and the issue I was struggling with on Tuesday I am no longer struggling with. So yay!

It was an awful roller coaster - silly emotions


And that was only Tuesday! What happened next simply astounds me.

So, it's Wednesday. Day 2 of a 4-day week, okay? The morning had started off gloriously and I was so excited for the day to continue getting better (can we see a pattern here...?). I made it through 1st period and enjoyed some down time during my 2nd period planning. After that, I headed off to chapel (private school!), which was split on this particular day. I only bring this up because it has a canny resemblance to what happens later...

Anyway, we're most of the way through chapel when girls start screaming and ducking. I looked around and saw a wasp flying low above their heads. I don't think it's any big deal, but apparently girls have to be dramatic and it was waspish chaos for the next couple of minutes. The wasp flew away and landed in a young lady's hair and was eventually killed. Ker-SPLAT!!

Oh the drama....!

Then the episode was over and we went back to life as usual. After chapel, I headed back to the classroom to get ready for 3rd period.

Honors class

Typically, when you think Honors, you think "well behaved students," but this, unfortunately, was not exactly the case.

The students started filing into the room and I was in the process of sorting papers to give them before class when... well, let me back up for a sec.

Tuesday, I had opened the windows in the room before 3rd for a drafty breeze. Apparently, a wasp had flown in and had perched in between the blinds and the windows. It stayed there for the remainder of the day and I forgot all about it. Until Wednesday when....

When.... one of the male students checked the blinds to see if the wasp was still there (he had observed its presence the day before). It was. And he freaked out slightly. I told him just to leave it alone and everything will be just fine. He sat down and I thought the issue had come to a close.

Well, about 40 minutes into the class period, the wasp emerged from his safe spot and started flying around the room at ceiling level (these are tall ceilings). All of the girls started freaking out and ducking for cover, some holding their books above their heads like shields others getting as far to the ground as they could without getting out of their seat. I told them it was nothing to worry about, leave it alone and you'll be fine, etc. One young man commented under his breath that he was going to kill the wasp, but I kept reiterating "leave it alone" and pretty soon after that, they calmed down and I thought everything was fine. I went back to writing my report, but making sure to keep an eye out for him because he is someone I routinely have to keep under my thumb. Before I could say anything or could register what was happening, he jumps out of his seat in the back with his backpack in his hands and lunges the 5 feet to the windows ready to strike the unsuspecting wasp sitting calmly on the windowsill. He swings his bag, aiming for the wasp, and.... CRASH! SHATTER! TiNkLe.... he breaks the window and misses the wasp. Mind you this happened in a span less than a second. I was shocked, he was shocked, the class was shocked. I sat there with my mouth hanging open for about a second, gathered myself, and sent him calmly to the office. He apologized several times, but the damage was done. The class worked quietly after he left for the remaining 10 minutes of class. I called the office and someone boarded up the window, but that didn't mean the class didn't talk about it. As soon as the bell rang, I had students running into the room to see if the window really was broken. I had many questions about how it happened, but I didn't answer any of them. It really didn't matter how it happened - the window was broken and that's all there was to it. The young man was back in class today - and was a complete angel :-) I think he learned his lesson.

So what did I learn from this experience? That I have to learn to roll with the punches and broken glass. That sometimes details are simply not important. That it becomes the focal point of taunting for which one must address. That I can't prevent everything.

Humbling experience? I think so.

In some ways, I think it's my fault that it happened. I keep running over in my head: I should at least tried to say something when I saw him getting up. But, honestly, there was no reaction time. I don't know if I can blame myself for that, but it still makes me wonder if the school still wants me to keep coming back to work for them.

They asked me to earlier today, so I guess there are no hard feelings :-)

All in all, these past couple of days have been excellent lessons for me in handling Jr. High students and their behavior. Goodness knows it's experience I need but don't always want to have. Still, I think two traumatic days of being with high strung kids can make one go back and rethink a few things - like how to better handle them as a whole in your approach to everything. I've been working on it. After all, that's why I took this job - so I could learn!

Thank you, Jr. High, for teaching the teacher a lesson :-)