02 June 2015

I suck at these things!

I can't believe it's been 3 years since I last posted on this thing.  Goodness, the time does seem to get away from me.  The last time I posted, I was just about to start teaching at a high school in Arkansas and I was SO excited to start!  There were many new procedures and activities that we had planned for that year - there were so many good signs about things to come.

In sum: that school year was the best year I've had at that school.  We had established such a positive culture that it was a fantastic year for students and teachers, alike.  I actually think back to those days quite often and wish our 9th grade still had that positive culture.  It does, but I don't think it's close to what we had established that first year with the Freshman Academy.  We've had more, different, procedures on our minds that have taken away a LOT from the culture of the 9th grade.

What did we do?

We became a New Tech school.

Don't get me wrong: I buy in to the New Tech ideal and their goals, etc. But I do NOT agree with a lot of the things our school has done to implement it.  For starters, we completely ignored culture in order to teach New Tech, which really did us in as far as classroom procedures and expectations were concerned, which made classroom management a living nightmare.  I hated that second year of teaching.  The other thing they did was combine subjects.  I teach a combined course of World Geography and English.  I absolutely LOVE the girl I team-teach with, but I do NOT love the 40-student classes we get.  I'm already not a group person - lots of people in a room for prolonged times makes me nervous and severely stresses me out.  These gigantic classes have, honestly, ruined the teaching experience for me.  I no longer look forward to going to school, grading is more of a chore that it should be, and I don't sleep well anymore.  

This has been going on for two years now.  I just wrapped up my third year of teaching and I'm going in for another round in August.  

I can't wait for a small class again.  It will kill me to leave my team-teacher but I will be a saner person overall.  Not sure when that's going to happen, but I'm afraid it will be sooner rather than later.

Do I still love teaching?  I could learn to love it again but I can't love it where I am.  If you, reading this, have any suggestions for me, I'd be open to suggestions.  Until then, I'm on my own in finding what I love again.  It's out there but now I don't know where it is.

Yikes.  That's a scary thought.  But a good scary thought because I can do ANYTHING and love it.

Will I be a teacher forever?  I can't answer that question.  Not because I don't want to, but because I don't know the answer yet.  I hear the retirement is fabulous.  But I'm not staying in any job for the money - even if that's 35 years from now.  They payoff wouldn't be worth being unhappy for a majority of my life if the only thing I thought about was money.

Dear God, please help me be patient and keep my head up.

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